There is virtually no reason to fully give yourself to another individual. It’s pointless, too much risk, and someone always ends up getting hurt. C.S. Lewis also says if you are going to take THIS kind of attitude then:
“Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
Then why is it that there is this huge fear to love? Trusting someone fully and allowing them to see every possible flaw and blessing you may have? Yep, sounds terrifying.
There are a couple of reasons, some from experience, that I think love freaks people out.
1. Real love makes us feel vulnerable
We spend so much time creating these walls and booby traps to prevent people from entering, that when the one day that person makes it through, we worry. We worry because we don’t know how the other person will handle the true YOU. What happens once they do all that work to get to our hearts, and then they don’t like what they have? Maybe they don’t appreciate it, or maybe they even hurt you? RETREAT.
2. New love stirs up past hurt
This one is an interesting one for me. You never really know how you were really impacted by your past relationship until you start your new one. You might be over the relationship, but you certainly may not be over the hurt. One thing that is important here is that our new relationships shouldn’t pay for the sins of our Ex’s. Just because someone hurt you, doesn’t give you the right to hurt someone else.
3. Love challenges an old Identity
This is the toughest one for me. I struggle with accepting the fact that I deserve love, and convinced myself for quite sometime that I’m unlovable, worthless, etc. When people want to express their love for me, I’m not totally sure what to do. The first thing MY mind does is…well, what happens when they learn who I am and don’t love me? Do I go back to being/feeling unlovable/worthless?
There’s plenty of risk when it comes to loving someone. It may be easier to love some people more than others because some allow that love in. Some have the great wall of China just built around their hearts, with every form of protection around it. From my experience, those who have these walls up are the ones that need the most love. It may be difficult, and some serious climbing is needed. “Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything beautiful, for beauty is God’s handwriting.” Because once you are over that wall, once you are done being pushed away, the heart is a beautiful thing, and it is worth every risk imaginable.